Debt (Kurapika X Reader)
by storywriter1001
Summary: Trying to run from your past, you never expected for your debts to chain you down. And within this web you are forced to face with those that you never desired to face again-but also those that you never in your life would have expected to be so fortunate to meet. Reader Insert.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **Hello all! Wow, time really does fly! It has been over three years since I last posted anything (haven't kicked the bucket yet!). And for the first time, I am posting a story not related to Hetalia.**

 **For those who have ever looked forward to my stories (if there ever were any) I truly do apologize for not updating any of them. School and life caught up and I found myself with near zero free time.**

 **But still for those who have read any of my previous works, I hope that you will find that this one is relatively different. After all, three years is plenty of time for me to develop my skills and my story ideas. I had read through my older works before I picked up the pen again, and I realized just how inadequate of a** ** _writer_** **I was. But still, no guarantees…^^;**

 **Once I find the time, I plan to go through all my older works and edit where edits are needed, and finish where resolution is demanded. But for now, please enjoy this piece.**

 **Lastly, for those who have ever supported me and those that I had seemingly abandoned, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Reading through comments and reviews are always inspiring.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter!**

The feeling of being left alone was worse than death. Hell, you've faced death before, just as would have anyone of your situation.

You thought you had gathered them together to be family, to bring justice into an unjust world, to right wrongs. Before you knew it though, they had become part of the wrong.

And like the coward that you were, you took the only route that you could think of—escape. But in turn, you were alone.

/\/\/\/\/\

"No, that's still not quite right," you patiently remarked again as you pointed to the sheet of paper before you. You could sense the squirming of your pupil and his frustration.

For the past several years, you have been working as a tutor for the children of various wealthy families. You made a decent living, relying on the accumulated knowledge of a lifetime of leisure reading. After all, it was not as if you have any other skills to fall back on to.

"Why don't we take a quick break?" you remarked as you smile gently at the child before you. The boy immediately beamed a smile and scurried off into some room or another.

"Make sure to be back in 20 minutes!" you called after him. "Ye-es!" he answered cheerfully, voice echoing faintly throughout the oversized mansion.

You heaved yourself up from the chair and begin to head for the front door, setting a timer on your phone as you do so. The weather was nice and taking a walk would be pleasant.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Ah! I'm sorry!" You jerked backwards as you nearly collided with a figure entering the front door as you headed out. The servant of the family nodded silently as he adjusted his hold on a rack containing two tubes. "What is that?" you asked, bending down to peer into the two jars filled with liquid. Two bright scarlet spheres floated: gemstones you assumed.

"Eyes." -was the curt answer. You drew back in horror. "Eyes?!"

The servant nodded, "This is a pair of Kurta eyes. The head of the family had just purchased them for quite a fortune."

"Kurta?"

"A small tribe in the Lukso province. They were wiped out by a certain group of bandits and their eyes were taken and placed on sale. Since there are no survivors, owning a pair of these eyes has become quite the status symbol." He peered into the jars with a crooked smile. "Besides, they are quite stunning aren't they? Would be interesting to turn them into Christmas ornaments, eh?"

You could barely hold in your wave of disgust and nausea, rendering you unable to do much more than echo his words.

"Bandits?"

"Yes, I believe it was the—the" the servant scratched his head. "The Troupe Phantom? The Pha-Pha? The Phantom Troupe? That's it—the Phantom Troupe."

Your breath hitched as you felt your heart constrict. The Phantom Troupe—something you thought you had left far behind you. You had usually turned a blind eye to reports of their atrocities, but for the group to wipe out an entire ethnic group and engage in something as disgusting as human flesh dealing…And to think…

"[name]? [name]?" You jerked back to reality only to have the servant staring at you in confusion. The beeping of your phone reminded you of the job that you were supposed to return to.

"A-ah! Sorry!" You laughed awkwardly, thumbs twiddling anxiously. "I was…drawn in by the beauty of them! That's all! Got to go back now!" You instantly dashed off, having lied through your teeth.

For the next hour, you were absurdly distracted. You were usually a hard worker, focused on the task at hand. Yet, after learning about the tragedy of the Kurta, there just wasn't any way for your whirling mind to calm down.

Having finished with your tutoring session finally you trudged back to your apartment, dazed. Your body acted in autopilot, numb to all surroundings. Collapsing into a chair, you attempted to control the flood of emotions that threatened to flood out.

"People change…" you muttered to yourself as spasms shoot through your frame. "People change. It has been over 5 years. They aren't the same as they were before. You know that…you knew that….so you left."

Unable to stifle the whimpers any longer, you allowed the inundation of tears to flood out. After all, no one would see or hear—no one was there.

/\/\/\/\/\

You returned to work as usual the next day, determined to set it all behind you. Sulking was not your habit. You had checked the price of a pair of scarlet eyes the night before, foolishly half hoping that perhaps you could scrap together enough from your common day-to-day expenses to purchase a pair—and lay them to rest with respect.

But who were you joking? The price range was above what you could save up even after if eating only cup noodles and living in a cardboard box for the rest of your entire lifespan. And would returning a single pair of these eyes truly right any wrongs? You would only be lying to yourself as you try to alleviate your own feelings of guilt. With a dry laugh you had closed the browser window and went to sleep.

Practicality was your strength, and the only reason you were able to survive on your own since such a young age.

Having approached the office door, you knocked gently. "Sir?"

"Enter."

Quietly, you slid open the large double mahogany doors just a crack enough for you to slip through. You immediately noticed that there were more occupants than usual in the plush, luxurious office room: in addition to the little boy who you usually tutored and your boss, his father, another middle-aged man was seated on a velvet heavy-looking chair, a teenage girl dressed in candy-like clothing stood next to the unknown man, and a blonde figure dressed in a blue tabard stood some ways behind the girl—a bodyguard you would assume.

In your scan around the room, you noticed the pair of eyes that had been purchased the day before resting on your boss' desk. You internally cringed—it truly had become an ornament of sorts.

"This is [name], my son's tutor." Your boss had walked up to you, clapping you on the shoulder as he introduced you to the other elderly male. "I would say she does a very good job." He ended with a hearty chuckle.

"I am very pleased to meet you Mr…" you trailed off.

"Nostrade.' He answered sternly.

You quickly bowed.

"[name], for today, I will be having business dealings with Mr. Nostrade and we will be allowing [son's name] to get to know his daughter, Neon as well."

"Of course." You internally wished that this affair did not encompass an arranged marriage. The age difference would be disturbing. "So is tutoring cancelled for today?"

Your boss replied with a nod. "But still stay around. If the negotiations end early, we could perhaps still hold several sessions."

"Yes." Gradually, the conversation turned back to whatever business was in question. Standing around awkwardly for several moments, you quickly bowed to head out quietly.

/\/\/\/\/\

You found yourself wandering around the mansion aimlessly, thoughts still revolving around the eyes that sat upon the desk.

 _It's not my fault,_ you repeated to yourself. _After all I ran…I mean left right?_

Lost within your mind, you found yourself back in front of the office once again, having made a loop of the first floor.

 _Perhaps they are finished?_ You wondered as you headed towards the door. _Ah, someone's coming out; I guess I can just ask._

"Umm, excuse me. But are the negotiations finished?" It was the blond bodyguard that you had seen before. Your voice trailed off as you watched him as he leaned against the door, body tense, and eyes covered by his bangs.

"Are you…alright..." you asked gently.

He nodded silently. You observed his hands, clenched tight in fists.

"Ahh…" you trailed once again _. What should I do? Obviously he got really upset over something. But he doesn't seem like the open type. Should I leave him here? Should I ask him? Should I…._

"B..throo..."

"Pardon?" you asked, barely detecting his faint voice.

"Bathroom. Which direction?"

"Turn around that corner and head straight."

He nodded and headed in the pointed direction briskly as you watched on worried.

"He really is shaken up, huh?" a sweet voice remarked next to you.

You turn in surprise to spot a smallish woman beside you. "Sorry! I did not notice you standing there."

She shook her head with a gentle smile. "That's Ok." She peered in the direction the blonde headed. "Poor Kurapika, his heartbeat was a parade of rage and sorrow."

"Heartbeat?"

"Yes, I have the ability to listen to the sound of hearts." She turned towards you. "I'm Melody, you?"

"[name], very nice to meet you. I take it that you are a bodyguard for the Nostrade's as well?"

Melody nodded.

"I wonder what could have affected him so badly? Perhaps the boss really shouldn't have placed those eyes there on his desk as ornaments. They would have freaked anybody out." You ended jokingly.

"He should not have." The seriousness of Melody's voice shocked you.

 _Did I offend her?_

"Don't worry; you haven't offended me in any way." Melody remarked. Observing my startled expression, she added with a chuckle and a wave of her hand, "Your heart beat gave it all away."

"[name]." the voice of the boss called from the opened door, interrupting the conversation between you and the body guard.

"Yes!" you answered, pivoting to face him.

"From today on, you will be tutoring Neon and my son together."

"Of course si—wait!" Your eyes widened in horror. "But their course material would be drastically different since their age gap is so great and…"

Your boss's smile melted into an unreadable mixture. "That wouldn't be a problem—their course work would be the same, trust me."

"You mean…."

The boss nodded with a wry smile.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "I understand."

Sensing your agitation, the elderly man tried to salvage the situation. "Nostrade has already agreed that he would be paying double of your current wage, so in total, you will earn three times as much as you are now."

"Ah, please relay to him my sincerest gratitude."

 _But really, money isn't the issue here….it's whether I would be able to survive trying to tutor a girl who seems to be almost the same age as me but has the intellect of a 11 year old._

/\/\/\/\/\

"No..that's…not quite right…." you droned, having repeated yourself for around the twentieth time. Neon had been struggling for the past hour on a single elementary level math problem while your usual student had finished in under 20 minutes and was now on his third problem set, working without any problem.

After several fruitless moments of trying to explain long division for the 3.14th time, you slumped back in the chair, exasperated and exhausted.

"Take a break," you muttered, covering your eyes with your arm. "Come back in 20 minutes."

 _Don't come bacccck!_ You mentally screamed as the pupils scurried off to god-knows-where, with Melody following Neon.

"Tired?" a smooth voice chuckled as a taller figure sat down in one of the chairs previously occupied.

I glanced up fatigued. "Kurapika, wasn't it?" you instantly flopped down again. "I have never taken on such a difficult student."

He raised an eyebrow. "You really needed the pay then, didn't you?"

You scoffed. "Pay? No, I really don't have much need for more pay, living alone and all. I took on the job simply since my employer had requested." You straightened up to face him. "Then how about you? How do you bear with being her bodyguard all the time? From the look of things, it's probably impossible that she responds to logic or reason at all."

He sighed. "Of course. When she demands something, it is futile to try to refuse, no matter how absurd the request."

You let out a laugh. "Sounds rough."

A silence gradually fell between the two of you. Usually, you would have taken the opportunity to take a stroll around the mansion grounds. Yet, today, you felt too lazy to lift a finger from the relatively comfortable chair that you held—but that also meant that you needed to do something about the weighty quiet that encompassed the room.

"So," you hesitantly started. "Yesterday, you seemed pretty shaken up. Are you feeling better now?"

The male across from you visibly tensed once again, hands clenching together.

"Yes, I'm fine now. Thank you for your concern."

Sensing that he wished to halt this conversation topic, you dropped your follow-up questions, falling back into dense tranquility.

The air of the study room seemed to grow denser by the second. The cricket that you could have sworn was chirping seemed to have suffocated under the pressure.

"Um, Kurapika," you carefully began again several minutes later.

He looked up at you, holding his sharp gaze steady.

Your mind blanked. Desperate, you blurted the only thing that came to mind, not without regret: "How old are you?"

"19."

Your eyes enlarged. "Eh? Really? Same here!" You embarrassingly rubbed the back of your neck, "When I first saw you, I thought you were at least 24 or so! You look so…mature."

"24?!" he drew back astonished. "Really now?"

"A-ah! I didn't mean to offend you! It is just that you seem really calm and composed, really reliable and…and" you stuttered, trying to instigate damage control, eyes pinpointed at your lap, avoiding his gaze.

To your surprise, he let out a genuine laugh, pleasant, almost in total contrast to his serious exterior. "No, don't worry. It was just that I suddenly was reminded of one of my friends whose age is often mistaken. And also, [name], you really don't have to be so jumpy about offending me."

You shrunk at the comment; you had always been supersensitive towards other people, rendering you often socially inept. Peeking up at the male, who now donned a placid smile, you felt your face color.

"If you say so then…" you started with a stammer. Taking in a breath and looking up resolutely, with a pout and cheeks still pink, you finished "Then I'm not going to hold back!"

"Oh?"

"You should smile more! That way you don't look like an old grandpa!" You erupted. The pink on your cheeks instantly deepen into a bright hue of scarlet as Kurapika stared at you with an unreadable expression.

"I-I mean…when you laugh…it was...um…" Once again, the motors of the mind whirled at breakneck speed as they attempted to contain the circumstances. You flailed your arms desperately with wild gesticulations as you tried to explain yourself to a stunned Kurapika.

"Pff."

The small puff of air made you halt mid thrash.

"Kurapika..?"

Quickly, the male seated in front of you burst into rolling laughter. You sat awkwardly as the Kurapika's laughter echoed in the room and hallway. Neon and your regular student both appear at the doorway, confused as to what was going on.

"Kurapika? He's laughing?!" Neon shrieked in disbelief as she began to run for the office where her father was located. "Papa! Papa!"

As Kurapika's outburst began to peter down, he stood up and made his way to the door. "You have to get back to work now right?" You nodded dumbly. With a last chuckle, he added, "You really are something [name]."

With his offhand comment, your face had permanent transformed into a tomato.

"[name]?" your student asked.

"It's nothing." You flashed a 'teacher' smile. "Let's move on to history next."

Once again you were absolutely, absurdly distracted—this time by a certain blonde's smile and laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter two! Have fun!**

Your life had always had an easy, plain rhythm.

In the morning, you would wake up, fix yourself a simple meal (honestly, cooking was not your forte), and head off to your job as a tutor.

On the weekends, you would sleep in, pick up some groceries, and clean up a bit around the apartment.

And read. Voraciously.

The only thing(s) other than the simplistic furniture that occupied your sparse apartment were teetering towers of books—borrowed, bought, picked up—on every single topic imaginable. It was a habit that you had embraced from your elder brother. After all, the only reason you weren't working on the streets or in the mines was because of this one habit of sorts. As much as you hate to admit it, you were indebted to him.

Yet recently, that rhythm had become slightly livelier than before. Perhaps it was due to the stimulating conversations you had with the mysterious and serious Kurapika or it was the gentle sweetness of Melody who always seemed to carry a shroud of tranquility around her. The twenty minutes break that you had previously spent taking a stroll around the mansion grounds now were spent in spirited chitchat with either one or the other bodyguard, as the other would be escorting Neon during her play.

The days drifted by one by one, until a month had passed. You had grown much closer to your new coworkers, learning that both were Hunters (an amazing feat!) and Melody had explained how she was searching for a certain music score that had destroyed her body and stripped her of her friend.

The laughs that you all shared reminded of times past yonder when you and your makeshift family had sat around in a leaky, dilapidated ruins of a building, somewhere in the midst of the wreckage called Meteor City, hidden from the eyes of the world. Yet, despite how you felt that your life had improved and how you enjoyed spending time with these new companions, an inkling of doubt had crawled its way into your mind, erecting an invisible wall separating you from them.

Of course, the wall was of your own creation, constructed by the burden of your secrets and fears.

Past wounds heal with time but leave scars: your trauma of those closest to you changing or drifting away, or not being who you thought they were in the first place, remained. After all, one month was miniscule in comparison to how long you had "known" your "family." Such was simply your nature.

Desperately, at the same time, you strove to forge closer bond with your co-workers. For the past 5 years, you've been on your own and as much as you deny it, it had been a lonely and empty existence.

Such were your internal struggles when Melody piqued up one day.

"[name], we all have tomorrow off because of the holiday. Do you want to have some coffee at the café with Kurapika and me?"

"Sure," you answered without hesitance, only to realize later on while walking back to your apartment that this would be the first time since you had left Meteor City that you would be spending time with people that could be defined as friends.

 _And perhaps finally that wall would be broken…_

/\/\/\/\/\

The café Melody chosen was a quiet, quaint place with wonderfully fragrant coffees and subtle cakes—all in all, a perfect place to relax peacefully on a rare day of break.

The three of you had engaged in small talk, discussing all manner of trivialities, often revolving around what you affectionately began to label as "rich people-bashing."

"So what was the most unreasonable request that Neon ever made?"

"There are so many it's difficult to think of a single _most_ unreasonable one!" Kurapika answered with a chuckle.

"Perhaps that one time when she tried to make Basho fit all her purchases into the cars, which left no room for Basho himself." Melody suggested. "She then demanded that Basho ride behind the car in a shopping cart tied to the vehicle!"

"Really?!" you remarked, bending over slightly with laughter as you tried to imagine the large man crammed into a flimsy shopping cart in the center lanes of a highway.

Flowing along with the pleasant atmosphere, you inquired about something that you had noticed from the first day:

"So Kurapika, I have never seen your outfit before I met you. It is some sort of traditional garment?"

Kurapika froze for a split second before he answered with a wry smile and a sip of his coffee, "I suppose it is, in some ways."

You had missed the slightly worried expression of Melody's as she anticipated your next innocent question.

"What tribe or nation is it from then?"

The temperature of the cheerful café seemed to immediately plummet as Kurapika stared into the depths of his coffee cup. You regretted at once the awkwardness that swelled among you and your companions.

"It's a little difficult for him to talk about that for certain reasons, [name]. So—"

"It's alright, Melody." Kurapika looked up wistfully. "She doesn't mean anything by it. And I did tell her to be more straightforward." With a slight pause, he finished: "It was the most similar I could find to the Kurta tribal costume which I wore in my youth."

 _Kurta…_

All mental processes suspended.

 _Kurta…eyes…_

The synapses fired within your neurological network at lightning speed, but no connections were made.

 _Kurta…eyes…Phantom Troupe…My brother….._

 _Now it all makes sense…what had happened when I first met Kurapika and he seemed upset…_

"[-me], [name]!"

A frantic call from Melody recovered your senses. A silent Kurapika stared at your strange reaction with suspicion. Panicking, you instantly jumped out of your chair.

"I-I have to go now. Thank you much for the invitation today!"

With a rapid bow and refusing to meet your companions' eyes for answer their concerns, you fled the café, heading desperately towards your apartment. The fair weather and blue skies of the afternoon seemed to mock your misery. Several blocks later, you provided yourself with your own rain.

You hated the debt of your past that had obstructed all chances of moving on or escape.

/\/\/\/\/\

Your daily rhythm was downright shattered.

For the week after the café incident, you had deliberately tried to avoid the two Nostrade body guards. You averted your eyes, quietly but politely rejecting all attempts to engage conversation (stemming singularly from Melody).

It hadn't helped when Kurapika abruptly switched over from his usual blue and gold tabard to donning a conventional suit or that he was just as silent as you.

If one didn't know better, one may have thought and you and Kurapika had some sort of strange breakup the week prior in the café. But of course, no relationship of the sort was present to begin with.

"Alright, that's enough now, take a 20 minute break," you announced as you leaned back in your chair, allowing your two pupils to scurry away. Kurapika wordlessly followed his client out of the room, leaving Melody and you alone in the room.

Staying seated for several moments until the sound of footsteps faded, you proceeded to rise from your chair and head out for your, once again, habitual walk.

"[name]," Melody whispered.

You pretended to be ignorant of the fact as you continued on your way out.

"[NAME]!" The outburst of the generally sweet-tempered woman stunned you and froze you in your tracks. "Do you not think this is quite enough? What is going on?! I thought Kurapika and I are your friends; should you not at least tell us what is bothering you?"

In a strange huff of impulsive anger, you snapped: "Then shouldn't Kurapika have told me what was bothering him first? Or what's bothering him now?"

"You are being unreasonable! You know very well what is bothering him!"

You bit the inside of your cheek at the declaration. After a moment of pregnant pause, you declared:

"I get it now."

Melody breathed a sigh of relief, "That is good, now go—"

"He figured it all out, right? I mean, he must have all the information he would ever want at the touch of his fingertips with his access to the Hunter website!"

"[name]?!"

"He must have figured out that my last name was Lucilfer, that my brother was Chrollo! That I had fled from Meteor City; that I knew Feitan, Menchi, and all the others."

"[name]!" the voice desperately tried to stop your mad rant, but it seemed to be nothing more than a faint echo.

"That I chose the spider as our symbol, that I had initiated their identity as bandits: I FOUNDED THE PHANTOM TROUPE!"

You panted as you ended you insane rambling, your face flushed, the tears streaming openly down your face. Ironically, this was the first time you cried in public after you had run away from your home town. The previous denials and insecurities that you endured had erupted. Sure, that wall within your mind had come tumbling down.

A dense silence followed your outburst. Glaring up defensively, expecting to meet the stunned gaze of Melody, you were met instead with a pair of steely scarlet eyes framed by blonde hair boring into you. Kurapika had stretched out his right hand with a chain and heavy weight hanging from a finger, the chain quivering with the slight trembling of his hand.

 _His eyes…They really are beautiful…what an absurdly inappropriate first thought._

"[name]," It was an expressionless demand. "Was all of what you said true?"

"Why ask again when you already know?!"

"Is…it all true?"

"YES!" you screamed before breaking down and collapsing on the ground sobbing openly. Distantly, you sensed the Kurta wordlessly pass you on his way out of the room. Your students had returned some time before and were staring at the scene unfolding before them.

"Go tell the boss that [name] is not feeling well and I will be taking her home."

Resigned you followed as Melody guided you out the door, leading you by arm. Sometime along the trip you had revealed the location of your apartment and somehow you now ended up sitting in a chair at your dining table mutely. Melody sat across from you.

 _Is it truly wrong for me to reach out to others because of my past? What's going to happen now? Should I…run away again?_

As your mind spun around the myriad of questions, Melody spoke up, her voice soft, "Do you always hold things inside like this? You could have told us everything when this entire affair began."

You stayed silent.

Melody closed her eyes. "Were you afraid? Even now your heart races with terror."

Like you a child scolded, you nodded.

"But what were you afraid of?"

You bit your lip stubbornly.

"It is alright, please tell me."

"I was afraid of losing more people in my life after being alone so long…" you mumbled.

Melody opened her eyes and sighed. "I thought it was something along those lines…You enjoy the company of Kurapika, do you not?"

You nodded guiltily again.

"If you don't do anything now, you _will_ lose him, him being as stubborn as he is. Why don't you go talk to him?"

"I _know_ that! But how…can I do that?! I have literally just declared myself his arch-enemy!" with a resigned puff, you added: "And really, what is there left to say by now?"

"Well, you never know until you try, do you? I cannot say anything for sure, but if you run away, nothing will ever be resolved."

An awkward moment passed in silence.

"Then…" you began quietly, "how about you, Melody? What do you think of me? A liar? Dangerous?"

She looked at me steadily. "A friend."

For the second time that day, tears blurred your vision.

"T-thank you," you choked.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Nothing much here! :D**

You felt like a man on a mission: it was now the second week since the incident and therefore, the second week you have been privately stalking the individual in question. You were quite sure that Kurapika was aware of your constant trailing, and most likely irritated as well. Melody has been observing your efforts with agonizing patience, only inquiring gently once in a while when you were going to approach the colleague in question. When had you begun to resemble a school girl crossed in love?

Once again, during your daily break, you were sneaking behind Kurapika, trying to silence your footsteps as much as possible. Melody had taken to volunteering to accompany Neon every day in an attempt to optimize your chances of being able to converse with Kurapika regarding…all that…

 _I'm going to do it_ , you swore under your breath. _I'm going to talk to him today and then…well…I guess I'll have to improvise?_

You sucked at self pep-talks.

You peeked around the corner and held in a squeak, Kurapika had seemed to teleport in front of you, and was boring into you once again with those piercing eyes of his. Your squeak almost erupted into a little shriek, which you stifled, instead producing a sound that mimicked that made by a choking hamster.

You stood there, unmoving as Kurapika stared at you with a steady but expressionless gaze. You two lingered in tense and awkward silence

 _Melody! Simply trying to talk to someone who may or may not be on the verge of stabbing you in the throat is much easier said than done!_

"You do know about nen, right?"

You nodded. What type of question was that? Having Chrollo as your brother, as well as having once identified the great majority of the Phantom Troupe as family, would it be possible to be ignorant of the ability in the first place?

"Then you do know that I could tell every time you were following me?"

Your head dropped as you focused on the carpet beneath your feet. You nodded slightly.

"So you do understand that such suspicious activity does absolutely nothing in helping you clear your guilt?"

 _Guilt_., he had used the word 'guilt.' Yet, even as you did feel guilty, what overrode that sense was one of tremendous embarrassment, embarrassment of your extreme stupidity. Of course he knew of your stalkerish behavior.

"I just wanted to talk to you," you mumbled.

"About what?" The blunt comment was able to pierce like a knife.

"About…all that," you waved your arms around wildly, hoping that the gesticulation would help you respond.

"And 'all that' would refer to?"

"Well…" you continued hesitantly, your voice shrinking even more. "My brother and my connections. Those things…"

His gaze hardened. "If you are going to give me a sob story and ask for forgiveness on their behalf or attempt something as foolish as 'explaining their actions,' you can save your energy." He narrowed his eyes and turned away slightly, "And I would then suggest for you not to come into excessive contact with me as I may not be able to control myself if the rage within my heart ever began to boil over."

With that, your mind successfully shut down as you began to ramble: "N-no! That's not at all what I was trying to do! It was just that after the incident, things have been so awkward it has been super hard to approach you. All I wanted really to ask to see…as if…perhaps….that we can still be friends…and…that…we…" Your voice trailed off as you lost every scrap of confidence.

Kurapika's eyebrow raised in surprise even as the rest of face retained its impassive expression.

You internally cursed for sounding like a high school girl making her first confession and frantically continued, attempting damage control:

"I mean, it's totally fine if you don't trust me. I get it! Anybody with my background and past would be really really suspicious. It's just that…it has been nice after so long of being alone to have someone to talk to and grab a cup of coffee—alright maybe not the coffee since that turned out terrible—but how about…tea! Yeah! To grab a cup of tea with and…"

You were quite sure that Nostrade's vast mansion was clean enough not to have any insects, but you could swear that you heard crickets.

Peeking up and finding Kurapika's emotionless face fixated on you, you immediately darted your line of sight to your shoes.

"I…" your companion began.

You continued to stare at your shoes, examining every scuff mark.

"…have no idea what to make of you." He ended in a resigned manner.

"Is that a good thing?" you asked timidly, glancing up to catch his wry and defeated smile.

"I have no idea."

A quiet sigh later, he continued, "Tea. After work."

You looked up surprised at the demand.

"And you will tell me everything. It is only fair, no?" Kurapika added over his shoulder as he turned to walk off.

You stood rooted, unable to comprehend whether this newly granted opportunity was a blessing or curse, only to realize that your phone's alarm had been going off for over 3 minutes now.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Flashback time!**

And so, you were here again at the coffee shop.

After work you had begged on hands and knees for Melody to accompany you and act as the mediator, to which she grudgingly agreed to with a sigh.

Thus, this brings you back to this strange scene that has unfolded before you.

Kurapika sat before you, hands crossed on the table, holding you with a steely gaze.

You stared at the tea before you, mouth dry.

"So, then. Speak." You looked up at Kurapika at this order. His form betrayed no movement at all.

"Umm…can I begin wherever?" you asked meekly.

You took the long silence as tolerance…

/12 years ago/

"Happy birthday 7th birthday!" was the hushed but excited whisper by your ear. You blinked open eyes and rubbed them as you sat up. A stench of carnage wafted up—the typical morning greeting. What more can you expect from Meteor City? You turned to face the dirty figure that sat by your sleeping cushion.

His hands were hidden behind his back, a goofy but smug grin on his face.

"Guess what's for breakfast?" Chrollo asked.

"Breakfast?!" You were instantly alert. "Where did you get that?"

Chrollo shrugged.

"Here, close your eyes," he instructed. "And open your mouth."

Obediently, you did as you were told, mouth wide open, eager. As savory meatiness erupted upon your tongue.

"Bacon!" you exclaimed as your eyes snapped open, you grin equal now to your brother's.

"Thank you!" you laugh as you glomped your brother; Chrollo and your laughs echo throughout the hollow chamber, the mirth starkly contrasting the gloom of the ruins that served as your shelter.

Having lost your parents at a young age to some disease, your brother was your caretaker. But there was nothing remarkable about that—such happens all the time in the slums that are Meteor City.

In order to support for the two of you, Chrollo worked odd jobs around the city, fulfilling any and every request that was sent his way. Even at your young age, you understood that he was working hard to protect you, although you never truly understood what type of jobs he was performing. He always shrugged off your questions. All you know is that sometimes he'll come back drenched with some strange red stickiness. On those days, when he comes back, he would always be quiet and, after cleaning himself as much as possible within the filth of the city, would refuse to read you bedtime stories. And on those days, you observed that the tattered purse was full.

After seeing that you have finished your breakfast, Chrollo stood up and dusted off his pants.

"Do you have to work today too?" you asked standing up and following him out of the ruins you and your brother called home.

He nodded. "Be a good girl, OK?" he said, ruffling your hair.

You nodded, hiding your disappointment. It was your birthday and you really wanted to spend the whole day with him.

"OK then, bye-bye!"

You waved at his retreating figure as he walked down the dusty road.

An idea crept into your mind. Why didn't you follow him? You were 7 now, so certainly you could take care of yourself! And after all, you wouldn't be "running off" if you were following him right?

With a small giggle, you began to follow him.

/\/\/\/\/\

Currently, you were about 30 feet away from your brother, hiding behind a corner of the last building before the outskirts of the city lent way to the open wasteland. In the midst of the barren landscape, your brother stood face to face with a muscular, tough looking man twice his height. You peeked in wonder: what exactly was his job?

"I've been sent by XXX. The records show that you owe quite the large sum."

The man sneered. "And what if I do? What is a midget like you going to do about it?" He laughed mockingly, "Cracks me up to think that Dennis hired a weakling like you! Against me, Jason!"

Your brother shifted his stance.

"Do not underestimate us."

"Us?" the man lifted a skeptic eyebrow. Suddenly, his legs swept out underneath, toppling him to the ground, as if he had become entangled in some sort of web.

"Now, Chrollo!" a pink-haired female shouted as she darted out from behind the building across the street. Something glinted in her hands.

Your brother darted forward, pouncing on the man and pulling out a strange knife and pressing it upon Jason's throat.

"If you come quietly and return the money, no one will get hurt."

The man smirked. "Too bad, midget!" With a heave, he ripped the threads that were bound around his ankles and shoved your brother off his chest, the two forms now reversing their positions. The breath choked in your throat.

"CHROLLO!"

Both froze within the midst of the wrestling at the high-pitched shriek.

"[n-name]?!"

Your brother and the man both made eye contact with you, Chrollo's eyes wide with shocked concern and the man's with a glint of pure malice. A chill ran down your spine. Immediately, he flung off your brother and sprinted toward your corner.

 _Run!_ You screamed at yourself as the large form hurled towards you, your brother close behind. _Why_ _can't you run?!_

However, it felt that your legs had been bolted to the ground—you could do no more than helplessly watch.

The large, dirty hand of the criminal stretched towards you. In fear, you shut your eyes and covered your face, anticipating the inevitable.

Yet, no impact ever reached you. Peeking from behind your fingers, you see a pink-haired figure shielding you with a roughly made staff.

"Chrollo hurry!" she shouted.

Your brother instantly ripped the man away, knife in raised hand. The female covered your eyes with a hand.

/\/\/\/\/\

You were now walking back to your home, led by the hand by your brother. It was already late afternoon, the sun shining slanted upon the dusty road. After Machi had covered your eyes, she had ushered you down the road to a diner where she waited with you for your brother to finish "business."

Chrollo had immediately invited Machi back to your home when picking you up, apologizing profusely to her.

"Chrollo…?" you whisper, tugging gently on his hand. For the entire trip, he had refused to talk or look at you, simply having grabbed your hand and dragged you with him. "Are you mad at me? I'm really sorry…but…I just….wanted to…."

The blow came before you realized it, the sting on your cheek only registering several seconds later.

"[NAME!] YOU FUCKING IDIOT! WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU COME AFTER ME?! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS?!"

You whimpered, tears flooding into your eyes.

"I'm…sorry…."

Chrollo stood facing you, panting from his rant. He grabbed you by the shoulders.

"What would I do if…if I…." Breaking down, he tucked you into a hug, muffling your face into his toned chest.

"I'm sorry…" you repeated, as you clenched onto his ragged shirt. "It's just that…being by myself all the time is so lonely…"

His body rose and fell with a sigh. "Let's go home."

/\/\/\/\/\

From that day on, Machi had visited frequently, coming over for dinner and at times even staying the night. On those occasions, she would help teach you how to read. Seeing such, Chrollo had begun to bring home books of all sorts, most bought second hand or picked up from garbage heaps. Now no longer reliant on literary prowess of your brother, you consumed these with intense voraciousness.

And once, when you caught the flu which was running rampant throughout the city, Machi even took care of you for a full week, allowing Chrollo to continue with his ever-so-mysterious "work."

Even now, though you were 11, Machi and Chrollo alike both refused to answer when you asked about the "work"—or about what had ultimately happened to that man.

However, you had pushed all of such to the side: your home seemed much more lively now, the days filled with your imaginary travels within books, nights filled with warmth of your brother and Machi. It was only a little bit until Machi fully moved in.

It was on one of these days when Chrollo and Machi came home, but with an additional individual.

"Welcome home, Chrollo, Machi!" you piped, looking up from your novel, only to immediately catch sight of the humongous figure which stood behind them.

"This is Uvo. He's from work. We invited him over as well tonight," your brother explained with a smile.

"Oh, OK!" you smiled at the newcomer. "Hi, Uvo!"

Abruptly, he picked you up by the waist, peering at you curiously with a smirk on his face, as if examining a pet.

"So this is the little princess that we've all heard so much about! You're rather cute! Maybe I'll just gobble you up!"

"Don't you dare, Uvo," your brother warned dangerously from behind.

"Loosen up, boss! I was just joking." He patted you on the head. "So, what's the grub?"

/\/\/\/\/\

Gradually over the weeks, several more individuals from "work" moved in as well to your glee, as such only meant that your family, as you now considered them, grew bigger.

"[Name]," Chrollo had called for you one night as you were indulging in another novel. "We're thinking of giving our group a name."

"Group?" you asked.

"It's a work thing. What do you think will be good?"

Despite the fact that it had been 6 years since the birthday incident, you now 13, you have abstained from inquiring about your brother's occupation, or that of any new members of your 'family,' at all costs. All you could tell was that he seemed to hold some sort of important role within the "organization" for which he was employed, which was highly regarded by those around him.

"Hmm…" you pondered, looking up from your novel. It was rather exciting one, talking about a band of men dressed in Lincoln green, making merry in some forest as they stole from the rich and gave to the poor. At some point, the men had been described to be like phantoms which resided within the forest. "How about…Phantom. Phantom Troupe?" you suggested.

"Phantom Troupe," Uvo repeated, rolling the name around his mouth. "Has a nice ring. You got a pretty talented sister there, Chrollo."

"Of course I do." The smugness was rather obvious within your brother's voice. "Is everyone OK with the name?"

A wave of murmurs and nods expressed affirmations.

"Then what is our symbol?" Franklin asked calmly. "If we are going to carry through, we might as well do so fully and create some crest or symbol for ourselves."

All eyes turned once again to you as you scanned your family, each sprawled in his or her preferred cranny of the ruins.

"How about a spider? I've read that they are amazingly hardy animals, really hard to kill. Kind of like us in a way, you know. Even so, can't say I really like them though…" you shrug with a smile.

"Then it's decided. We're going to call it the Phantom Troupe and we'll represent ourselves with the spider."

The conversation drifting to other topics, you focused back in on your novel.

/\/\/\/\/\

That morning, you had woken up to unusually fine weather prompting you to take a stroll outside. With your insistence, Chrollo had drawn out an area in which he allowed you to wander freely, warning you not to venture beyond the boundaries. And of course, the rest of the Troupe had already long left for "work."

"Good morning!" you cheerfully greet your neighbor shop-keeper who was setting out her wares for the day.

"Mornin' to yer too, miz! And please tell that brother of yours thankee for the other day."

This as well was a daily occurrence, various members of the area asking you to convey their thanks to your brother or other members of your Troupe, as well as being something that you haven't questioned. You had assumed that your brother and the others had simply been helping around the neighborhood with some odd jobs and tasks.

If such was the case, they were certainly doing a wonderful job. Over the past year since the Troupe was formed, buildings have been rebuilt or fixed, children run about with shoes, and your neighbors all seemed so much more cheerful.

Suddenly, a shadow caught the corner of your eye. You turned around, scrutinizing the street behind you.

"Why, hello, princess," an oily voice hissed next to your ear.

Your eyes widened. As you opened your mouth to scream, the individual behind you had shoved a handkerchief against your mouth and nose, forcing you to breath in the vapors that is had been drenched in. The world tipping, you lost consciousness to the haziness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone! Here is Chapter 5! Thanks for reading!**

You came to only to find yourself bound and tossed onto the ground. The lights were dimmed, only allowing you a little distance around you.

"Awake now, are you?"

You looked wildly at the stranger who stood before you whose face was covered in shadow. With expert flicks of his wrist, he juggled a knife.

"I'm guessing this little princess has no idea who I am or why she's here~"

He grabbed your face with an open hand.

"Neither do you know what your brother and all those other friends of yours do every day for 'work', do you?"

He snickered.

"Why don't I ruin your delusions here and now? It will definitely help us pass the time as we wait for Chrollo to find this place."

"Let's see, where should we start? How about with that time he came over to the family headquarters and _slaughtered_ everyone inside?"

 _Chrollo...slaughter…?_

"He was spewing some nonsense about justice and purging evil from the city. Saying that he was going to try to create a utopia where everyone could live equally, and he was going to start by robbing the rich to give to the poor."

Here, the man smiled sickeningly.

"And, he said that it was all for his beloved little cutesy _sister_ ~! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU MY BROTHERS and BOSS DIED!"

He dropped harshly to a husky whisper.

"And you know what? He was smiling the whole time. Grinning like madmen, him and his Phantom Troupe as they blood ran over the ground and trickled into the drains. All for their so called fucking _philanthropy_!"

"Chrollo….would never do something like that!" you forced out, despite your mental numbness. How could someone excuse your brother of such violence? "He's a kind person! He would definitely try to help out everyone, but he wouldn't kill to…"

You froze—childhood images of your brother coming home soaked in that red stickiness erupted through your mind…that time when Machi covered your eyes and guided you away…

"…he wouldn't…I-I know that…." you stuttered.

The man let out a low, hollow laugh.

"Seems like you realized something, eh princess?"

Your mind was blank, all sensations seemed to be cut off.

 _Chrollo….and Machi...Feitan…Nobunaga…Paku…Franklin…Uvo…Were they really…?_ Your eyes suddenly widened at another realization. _The Phantom Troupe…the 'group' for 'work…' didn't I…_ create _it?! So am I…aren't I…responsible for all this?!_

A suddenly bang from the side brought you out of your mental torment.

"Ah, I guess they're here," the man commented dryly. "Now, princess! Watch us dance!"

Chrollo had slammed open the door to the room, allowing light to flood in.

"[NAME]!" He snarled at the stranger who had kidnapped you, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!"

"Calm your balls, kiddo. I didn't do anything at all. We just…" he glanced at you, "…chatted~"

With that you brother launched himself at the stranger, knife clenched in his hand.

 _Knife…_

With a gentle tug, you felt your ropes fall around you.

"Let's get out of here, [name]," Paku suggested quietly.

You shook your head vigorously. You were going to prove that man wrong. You were going to watch the fight to the end.

"[name], please, let's get out of here!" Paku urged, more desperate, glancing back at the fight. Your brother and the man were both in shadow due to the backlighting, However, the silver glint of the knives hypnotized your gaze, draining your body of any urge to move.

"Don't worry about the man, we'll take care of him," Machi reassured, "Just get out of here quickly."

Their words fell on dead ears however as your attention was focused instead on the scuffle behind the two females. Your brother had pinned down the mafia member, his knife in hand. His opponent's knife had long been kicked to the side.

"Chrollo…" the man stated calmly, staring at your brother in the eye. "With this I'm going to take away the most important thing of yours."

"The fuck do you mean?! Scum should just shut up!" Chrollo spat at the man's face.

The man smiled and turned to you.

"CHROLLO!" In a bout of sudden realization, Paku screamed, "NOT HERE!"

Deaf to all else, Chrollo's arm swung down.

This time, no one covered your eyes.

/\/\/\/\/\

Just like all those years ago, Chrollo had lead you home by the hand, despite your age. Only difference, the whole Troupe was entirely silent, the only sound being the crunch of your footsteps.

In your mind, only a single scene played upon repeat: the downward swing of the arm, the spurt of crimson from the stranger's chest, the victorious smile of the stranger...the maniac grin of Chrollo.

"[name]…" Chrollo called softly to your curled form once home. "Can't we talk?"

"What about?" you mumbled.

Chrollo sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I kept this from you and that you had to see _that_ today. But we really just wish to help out this city." He grabbed you by your shoulder, causing you to shrink back inadvertently from his touch, and the frantic look of his eyes.

"Can't you see? We're trying to create a better place! We're trying to make this place better—for you! IT'S FOR YOUR SAKE!"

"Stop…" you whimpered. "You're hurting me!"

"[NAME]! You have to believe me!"

"Chrollo, control yourself already! Can't you see your scaring her?" Paku pried Chrollo's hands from off of you.

 _Scared? Of Chrollo?_

That was a thought that has never crossed you mind before.

 _Am I…scared of brother?_

Silently, you wrapped your arms around your trembling body.

 _I'm…afraid…_

/\/\/\/\/\/\

A heavy silence fell around your table.

"Is that all?" Kurapika asked emotionlessly.

You nodded slightly.

"I ran away a week after. I later learned how Chrollo led the Troupe out of Meteor City and escalated their criminal activity. Meanwhile, I worked some odd jobs as I traveled until I finally found employment under my current boss as a tutor."

You paused.

"And I only learned of the Kurta incident several weeks ago…I'm…sorry…"

"Kurapika," Melody piqued. "She's not lying."

Kurapika sighed. "I know. But, I can't say I feel completely comfortable around a relative of my worst enemy."

You stared down into your tea, a rock dropping in your stomach. _This is it, I guess. Of course he wouldn't be able to associate with me anymore…_

"But, " he continued, prompting you to raise your head. "I as well have something I think I have to tell you; it's only proper." He breathed in deeply, "I killed Uvo and, in a way, Paku. Although I can't say I feel any remorse, to you, I feel I owe an apology of sorts."

"So, for now," Kurapika continued, with a tired smile, "Let's just try to survive with our burdens."

You nodded slightly. "…Thank you," you mumbled before a sudden thought popped into your mind.

"Ummm….Kurapika, may I ask a question?" you inquired warily.

He dipped his head, prompting you to continue.

"Was it because I asked that you began wearing the suit rather than the tabard?"

At his stunned expression, your mental capabilities entered a state of panic as you desperately stuttered, "I mean, I didn't mean to offend you or bring up all those memories and I guess I really didn't help by running off immediately afterwards and—"

"[name]! Calm down!"

You snapped your mouth shut and peered, face flushed, at Kurapika.

"Really, [name], I have no idea why you are so nervous all the time. I changed my outfit only because when I went to a conference with Nostrade, the other family heads asked why he had employed a girl. And I simply wished to avoid another such _misunderstanding._ "

You blinked several times. "Oh, I see."

/\/\/\/\/\

For another hour or so, the conversation had gradually unthawed and Kurapika as well related his side of the story regarding his confrontation with the Troupe. Slowly the conversation had drifted to other topics of small talk: books, music, and of course, Neon and her absurdities. With this, between you and your co-worker, a sense of connection had seemed form—one built of mutual loss. It was strange, that which you had expected to shred your friendship (could you call it that?) had only served to deepen the relationship.

As the evening deepened and the patrons of the café lessened, your party as well departed from the shop.

"[name], let me walk you home."

You waved your hands frantically, "Oh, it's fine, thank you. I couldn't possibly bother you that much!"

Kurapika shook his head, "I insist. The city is dangerous at night."

You glanced at Melody who smiled, "Don't worry, [name]. I'm a hunter after all. I can fend for myself."

Hesitantly, you nodded. "Thank you then."

After thanking and saying goodbye to Kurapika, you opened the door to your apartment and stepped inside lightly, avoiding the stacks of books and novels which covered your floor.

Heading for your kitchen, you spot a black envelope on kitchen table. Furrowing your brow, you picked it up and tore open the seal, only to pull out a postcard with a roughly drawn 12-legged spider.


	6. Chapter 6

**Slow updates are slow…OTL**

 **But they WILL happen! As always, thank you for reading!**

"[name]," Melody asked as break rolled around. "Are you alright? You look rather worn out."

You lifted your head from slumping over the table and smiled tiredly. I can't lie to her; she'll know right away.

"It's nothing. I just received some unpleasant mail last night that worries me."

"What type of mail?"

"Just an indication of debts."

Her eyes widened. "Debts? Do you need help? Kurapika and I are definitely willing to help you out."

You waved your hands frantically. "No, it's totally fine. I have to pay these myself."

The short woman frowned with concern, "If you ever end up needing help, we'll be around, OK?"

"Yeah, thanks."

You were definitely going to resolve your own issues yourself. I'm not going to run away.

/\/\/\/\/\

"See you tomorrow!" You waved at your coworkers and without waiting for replies, you rushed out the mansion and onto the streets. Reaching into your pockets as you ran, you pulled out the folded postcard and flipped it over.

"Cathedral. 5:00 pm."

You grimaced. It was a summons, no question. And knowing the ruthlessness of the Troupe and the fact that you were currently associating with who was probably the Troupe's worst enemy, you were rather afraid as to what would be the repercussions, for both you and your colleagues.

Having reached the cathedral at the outskirts of the city, you took a deep breath. This is it. I'm going to end my relationship with the Troupe. I'm going to tell them that I want to move on with my life. This is what I decided yesterday night.

With a heave you shoved open the heavy double doors and walked into the eerie silence.

"[name]."

Your feet froze mid-step. That voice.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Chrollo?" you whispered, barely forcing out a breath.

The dark form at the end of the altar stood up and walked towards you. Unconsciously, you took a step backwards.

"[name], I've missed you."

You stayed silent, a turmoil rising into your chest. Your resolve had seemed so strong last night and your plan so simple. You were going to declare loudly and firmly your decision to break all ties with the Troupe. But under your brother's gaze, your heart faltered.

Before you had realized, he had arrived before you. As much as you wished to run away, scamper from the struggles, confusions, your legs remained rooted in place.

"After all these years, I really wanted to apologize to you, [name]. I know that we probably scared you that day. But can we talk? Can we try to work things out again?" Gently, he held your shoulders, so lightly that it felt like nothing more than the brush of feathers.

Say something! You shrieked internally. Tell him no! What better chance than right now, with your brother standing right there!

And he had always used to stand 'right there.' Right there beside you. And you owed so much to him. Your life.

Forcing your mouth open, you choked. "That jacket is hideous."

He blinked in confusion before breaking into a smile. "I somewhat like it."

F*ck. What kind of denial was that?!

/\/\/\/\/\

With that single statement, you had slipped right back into your role as a snarky little sister; your determination had slipped out of your fingers like a picture that was made of smoke.

And all that you had thought you had worked out over the last five years, the independence, the simplicity of a quiet life, despite the loneliness, seemed to crumble within a week. You had thought that by breaking away from anything related to the Troupe you could repent of what you had assumed to be your 'guilt' in taking part in the formation of the Troup—in being the reason for the formation of the Troupe.

But that night, Chrollo and you had sat down and talked—just talked. Avoiding all landmines, he asked innocently about the books you've read, the places you have traveled. And relaxing, you had begun to pour out your stories and experiences. And he listened, attentively, to whatever you spewed.

It was certainly different than the childish conversations that you and Chrollo had in the past. It was all more…mature. But not a bit less friendly and warm, reminding of the past days of family.

I sort of missed those days…

"Then what are you doing now?" You jolted back to attention.

Does he know about Kurapika? Is that why he's asking?

"Wh-what do you mean?" You cursed at your stutter.

"You must be holding a job somewhere, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So what do you do?"

"T-tutor."

He smiled and ruffled your hair.

"That's good. Nice and stable."

You grinned back shakily.

"By the way, Chrollo," you piqued suddenly, "What repercussions were you threatening if I hadn't shown up?"

He scrunched his brow. "Repercussions? Who said a thing about those?"

And so, you felt terrible. To Kurapika who had only so recently revealed so much to you and who had still accepted you as a friend, you felt you were once again deceiving. And to Chrollo, you could not help but recall that he was the sole reason you even secured this 'nice and stable' job. Gingerly, you had avoided any mention of your coworkers. But meeting him again, you can't help but kind of miss his affection.

Back at your apartment, a week later, having secretly met with Chrollo almost every evening, you stared emptily at the book which laid flat on your table. The cup of Earl Grey had long gone cold. Yet, all that ran in your head was the dilemma set before you.

How long can this last?

You heart wished to lose neither.

Slowly, a small thought guiltily wormed its way into your mind. How long can I keep this up?

/\/\/\/\/\

"You know, [name]," Melody piqued during break one day. "You're still rather young and not to say cute too!"

You turned around shocked and flushed at the unexpected statement. You lightly swatted Melody's shoulder.

"Don't embarrass me!"

She laughed lightly. "I only say the truth! So shouldn't you try to take advantage of this time and try to find yourself a partner?"

"Partner, huh?" you mused quietly. "It's never really crossed my mind really…" With light chuckle, you continued, "After all, I've been rather preoccupied with other matters."

"Well, better late than never, right?"

You narrowed your eyes and peered suspiciously at Melody. "Are you hinting at something? Maybe I can't listen to heartbeats, but I can still recognize when you're being pushier than usual."

Melody smiled sweetly, "What do you think of Kurapika?"

/

"[name]," the blonde figure across from you suddenly called.

His sudden voice jolted you in your seat, you looked up from the reports you were writing for your pupils. After than little conversation with Melody, you've been awkwardly self-conscious around and aware of Kurapika.

Truthfully, it really was nothing new: you had always been mindful of him and that hypnotizing elegance of his. But now, it wasn't just his composure that captivated you—his softly blonde hair, his laser-sharp focus, and his dark eyes. Especially his eyes. Even though with those dark contacts of his, the depth of their troubled gray remained in your mind, as well as the glowing scarlet hidden behind.

"Yes?"

"Could I talk to you a little after work?" He took in a gentle breath. "It's about your…brother…"

Your chest tightened. Did he find out? That's impossible…Wait! I was going to see Chrollo again though.

You forced a smile. "Sure, but it might have to be quick."

Kurapika nodded. "I understand."

/\/\/\/\/\

The darkening sky lend the air a chilling feel, much in contrast to the warmth of the sun just hours ago. But that was only to be expected as winter was fast approaching. And on the roof where you and Kurapika were now standing, the wind only served to heighten the cold

"So, what you want to ask?"

Wordlessly, Kurapika stalked to the edge of the roof, leaning on a railing.

Deliberately, he started after a brief pause. "If this question offends you in any way, please do not feel obliged to answer." He tilted his chin to look into the sky. "Why does the Troupe kill, anyways?"

Your breath hitched as you jolted your glance from your shoes to face the blonde.

"W-what do you mean?"

"When I killed Uvogin, he said he killed for no reason. Not to say he doesn't even remember those he murdered."

Murdered.

"I-I don't know."

"My friend had said that the Troupe, that guy Nobunaga, had actually shed tears for his fallen comrade. How could he do that despite having killed so many without mercy?!"

You shrunk back into the shadows as Kurapika's voice became more agitated.

"And Melody had said that Chrollo's heart sounded as one who lived with no fear of death but rather danced with it. How could he not care about his own life at all?!"

He banged his fists against the railing. "What is going on?! Don't you have any answers?!"

You dropped your head. The conversations with Chrollo during the week replayed in your mind. The warmth and comfort of those evenings had completely erased from your mind the reasons for which you had run away from and wanted to disengage from the Troupe. The guilt of your duplicity swelled into your throat. You had nearly forgiven Chrollo for something that was unforgivable, for something for which Kurapika, youfriend, had suffered and suffers.

With a shaky breath, Kurapika collected himself and corrected himself softly, "That was unreasonable of me. You shouldn't have to answer those questions. How would you ever know having been apart from the Troupe for so long?"

A stab to the heart. If you only knew…

He turned around.

"I apologize, [name]. My friend had called today giving me some news that troubled me*. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

However, his apology failed to register. For the second time that you had met him, his eyes were glowing absolutely scarlet, blonde hair softly drifting in the wind, the rest of his elegant form haloed by the city lights behind.

Beautiful.

*Taking slight authorial liberty here. I'm referring to the call Killua makes to Kurapika regarding nen exorcism. My interpretation is that Kurapika knows about the fact and thus answers calmly on the phone but becomes agitated as he ponders whether the Troupe had already begun to take action to track down the exorcist and what he should do if and when his nen blade is ever removed. After all, he is the type to overthink but bottle up his concerns, leaving himself in a state of frustration. ^^;


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry that it is on the shorter side ^^;**

 **Thank you for reading!**

"Chrollo," you started gently.

"Yes, [name]?"

"Umm, I think I'm going to be pretty busy with work for a while…"

"I see," he lowered his head with a sigh. "I understand. After all, it can't be easy having to sneak out every night to visit a class-A bounty criminal."

You flashed a strained smile.

 _Criminal…even brother admits to it…_

"And anyways, I was thinking I must get moving as well," he mused.

You nodded mutely.

 _This should be the end then, right? I've finally not run away…right?_

Was it really that easy?

/\/\/\/\/\

Quietly, you snuck a peek at your coworker who sat in the corner of the room, his eyes closed, brows furrowed, and arms crossed.

"[name]?" you snapped your attention back to your students who both peered at you back at you.

"Uhh—yes! Do you have a question?" you stuttered, tweaking the corners of your mouth into a shaky smile.

"Ms. [name]," the younger boy began, "this fraction—"

"Hey, hey! [name], haven't you been looking at Kurapika a lot this week?" Neon butted in.

"Whaa?!" you exclaimed in panic, "No, yes, of course, no! I mean, no!" You flapped your hand wildly about your face and chuckled weakly, as if trying to swat away the notion.

Smugly, Neon set her chin upon her palm and raised her eyebrows in a knowing manner.

"W-why don't we return to work? Just a little bit more and we'll be done for the day, OK?"

As you pupils returned to their math work sheets, you snuck another lightning quick peek at Kurapika—only, to your surprise, to see his head nod jerkily.

 _He's…asleep on duty?_

/\/\/\/\/\/

"Hey, Melody," you began, tapping gently on your coworker's shoulder as you both headed out the door of the manor. "Is it me…"

"Or is Kurapika excessively tired these several days?" she finished for you.

You nodded mutely.

"I noticed it too…" she continued. "So much extra stress is definitely not healthy for him." She turned to face you. "Is there anything you can think of that might have caused this for him?"

Rapidly shoving down the guilt that bubbled into your mind and you shook your head.

"He did say something about a phone call from a friend, but I'm not sure what happened exactly."

Melody placed a finger on her chin. "Friend, you say. Well, I guess that gives me some leads."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing much. I just simply thought of some people I might be able to contact." Your coworker flashed a smile at you. "Maybe you can try to help as well?"

You wrinkled your brow in confusion, eliciting a peal of laughter from your coworker as she waved, running to leave first for the day.

"Wait, Melody! What do you mean?!" you shouted, racing after her.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Alright, that's it for today!" you smiled tiredly at both your pupils, flopping your hand in a pitiful excuse of a wave.

As the two students scuttled out of the room, you draped your head over the back of your chair and exhaled.

"Why doesn't she _get_ it?! Is she an idiot?! She must be an idiot. She is an idiot. But…that's doesn't make my job any easier!"

A definitive thud of a book snapped shut sounded beside you, prompting you to face the source.

"[name], you only have to deal with her for several hours each day. Now imagine _our_ plight." Kurapika smiled wryly.

You flinched. "You definitely have my greatest sympathies, Kurapika, Melody."

"Come on now," Melody piqued, winking playfully at you. "Such stressful topics are only going to give everyone wrinkles. Why don't we all go and relax this evening? I happened to chance upon this rather quaint café the other day." She pointed subtly at the blonde who sat in his accustomed chair.

Hurriedly you added while bobbing your head up and down, "That sounds great! You'll definitely join us, right Kurapika?" You grinned shakily.

Kurapika narrowed his eyes suspiciously at your strange behavior. After a pause, he stood up with a sigh.

"I might as well. It _is_ Friday after all."

You didn't miss the thumbs up Melody flashed you.

/\/\/\/\/\

And so the same routine repeated, you and your coworkers having entered a game of café roulette, trying each shop found around the city. The conversations were casual and pleasant, revolving around work or books or, for it was inevitable with Melody present, music. The openness between you and your coworkers, it was something you never believed would have been able to be established with the baggage of each of you carried. Yet, maybe it was because of these chains of the past that allowed you to connect. And in chatting with Kurapika, it was almost as if you had truly placed your past behind you.

"You really should try the series, Kurapika!" you coaxed. "It is absolutely heart-wrenching."

"No, [name], I refuse to read something like that."

"But Kurapika! Trust me, you will absolutely shed tears when she dies. And every time you see dango after that!"

"[name], if I run out of tears simply because a book and sweet dumplings, what am I do every day after dealing with Neon's tantrums?"

"But, if you only read such dense and heavy books, you will definitely become an old grandpa in just a few more years. Lighten up! Novels can't hurt!"

"You told me I was already an old man, though. Therefore, there is no need to try to alter my reading material. The worst has already happened."

"Come on, Kura! Just give it a try! Humor me?" you whined with a pout.

"I cannot determine who is worse more tiring, you or Neon." He released a heavy sigh. "We will see."

Cracking a splitting grin, you held up a victory sign to Melody who returned your sentiments.

/\/\/\/\/\

"You know, Kurapika, you don't have to walk me home every time. I don't live all that far away."

 _Not that I'm complaining,_ you added silently as you peered at your blonde coworker.

Without shifting gaze from straight ahead, he answered evenly, "I said many times already: the streets of the city are dangerous at night."

You huffed dramatically with exaggerated exasperation. "I know I may not be a hunter but I have been able to fend for myself for some years now. I have common sense at least!"

"Then, maybe I simply wish to walk home with you."

Your legs froze as his words echoed in your mind.

"Well, are you coming? What's wrong?" he asked quizzically, turning to face you.

Staring at your feet, you shook your head vigorously as you began to plod forward after the blonde figure, the flush heating your face.


	8. Chapter 7 (and a half)

**It's not really an omake...but not really plot related...thus, I present to you chapter 7.5!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

/\/\/\/\/\

"This is rather cliché, is it not?"

You peered up dejectedly at the sky which had decided to spontaneously pour down moisture.

"I'm guessing you didn't bring an umbrella either did you, Kurapika?"

"Of course not. There was not a single scrap of cloud in the sky this morning after all."

The blonde figure next to you sighed.

"This is going to be troublesome, especially as my apartment is quite the distance away."

"How far?"

"A 10 to 15 minute walk."

And idea gradually surfaced within your mind.

"I live only about 5 minutes away. Do you want to…." You swallowed dryly. "Wait out the rain there?"

Kurapika turned to you quizzically.

"I couldn't possibly bother you that much…"

"I have books. Including that one that we chatted about earlier today."

A moment of silence filled with the pattering of the rain.

"I guess…I cannot refuse then."

 _That was surprisingly easy._

/\/\/\/\/\

"Well, here we are." You pointed with an awkward smile at your door.

Your walk in the rain with Kurapika had been 'eventful' to say the least. Halfway to your apartment, the simple rainstorm intensified into a hurricane. A passing car then decided to spray you with a puddle of mud and oil filth. And then there was the flying billboard with the most ironic advertisement for a trip to Hawaii. And then there was the tornado.

"Sorry if it's a bit messy," you murmured as you unlocked and pushed open the door.

…

"You definitely do have books."

You ducked your head in embarrassment. "Umm, let me go get some towels!" You flapped your hands around wildly, retreating into the bedroom to grab the needed linens. "Please make yourself at home and have a seat over…" You trailed off as you shot a glance to the only chair, piled high with more…books.

As you ruffled away through your cabinets, looking for the cleanest stack amongst the unfinished and wrinkled laundry, Kurapika called from outside, "Is it alright for me to use the restroom?"

"Of course!" you called back.

 _Maybe I should grab a bathrobe for him…Will mine even fit him though? But he is pretty slim after all…._

 _Oh, right, I should change out of these as well…_ you pondered, looking down at the sogginess of carpet beneath your feet.

And then came a crash from the restroom.

"Kurapika?!" you shouted as you clamored out of the bedroom, towel and bathrobe in hand. "Are you alright? Did you trip?"

Only to be met with the sight of something akin to a gaping hole as to where the restroom wall and door should have been. And Kurapika standing there with the most inscrutable expression you have ever beheld.

"…"

"Ah [name], I apologize. It's just that…there was a spider in the toilet bowl and…"

"You smooshed the spider."

He nodded. "I think I may have used a bit too much force." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I tend to lose control when spiders are involved."

You facepalmed and sighed…only to then spot the mini-geyser that was spouting behind your co-worker.

"Kurapika."

"Yes, [name]. I'll help clean up."

"No, it's not even a problem of cleaning up the debris anymore. It's flooding."

His eyes doubled in size as he whirled around spot the destroyed plumbing and the water that had steadily creeped from its source outwards.

"How did you destroy the entire restroom while aiming at only a small eight-legged creature…?" you asked in disbelief.

"I may have activated Emperor's Time unknowingly."

A symphony of crickets that Holst would have been proud of erupted as you stood dejected, facing a steely calm Kurapika. Gradually, the water level rose to your toes, then ankles.

 _I won't have to change anymore, I guess._ You mused, only to have another thought flit into your mind and a shriek rip from your throat.

"THE BOOKS!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\

So ultimately, the issue was 'dealt' with through a procedure of damage control: you begged your neighbors, a kind, elderly couple to take in the refugees (the books) and you and Kurapika fled the scene (before your landlord took notice of the fact that a torrent of water was rushing from your door as if the Hoover Dam had broken).

Kurapika, a gentleman like always, had promptly offered his own apartment, to which you had hurriedly agreed. Of course, grabbing an umbrella did not cross wither of your minds—not that it mattered much by now anyways.

And so, now, you were seated awkwardly at his table, clothes and hair dripping as you waited for him to return with a change of clothes and towels.

"Here," he handed you a neatly folded stack, "feel free to change in the bedroom in the back."

You gratefully accepted the stack and scurried into the room.

 _His old training suit?_ You questioned, as you unfolded the clothes handed to you, discovering the white garments he had worn beneath his tabard when he had first met him.

 _I can't say that I don't like his current suit…_ you mused. _But his tabard seemed to have just a more distinct…style?_ As you pulled the shirt over your head, you paused and took in a deep breath. _It smells…nice…like him…_ You left your nose inside the shirt, sitting blankly upon the bed, inhaling his scent.

"[name]? Are you done changing?"

"Yeah."

The door opened and Kurapika poked his head in. "I was wondering if you want to order anything for—[name], what are you doing?"

You froze as you felt the heat rising into your cheeks. _Oh crap…_

Without thinking, you instantly popped your head into the shirt. "I don't have a head."

…

Antics met with silence, you peeked out of the collar of the shirt to be met with a blonde who held an exasperated smile.

"[name], really. What am I to do with you?"

Meekly you responded, "Anything you want? I mean, I'm the one here intruding upon you and even sitting on your bed…"

Instantly, Kurapika stiffened, eyes doubled.

"P-please excuse me…" he mumbled as he jerkily hurried out of the room, eyes pointed downwards. "I-I'll go order something for dinner."

 _What was all that about?_

/\/\/\/\/\


	9. Chapter 8

**Ahhhhhh! Such a long delay! ^^; I had a few chapters done but never got around to posting them...forgive me everyone!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"….and that is how I ended up temporarily staying over." you ended with a sigh. "The elderly couple next door is still holding onto my books for me."

Gleefully, your coworker clasped her hands together. "But that is wonderful! Good job [name]!"

You heaved another heavy breath as you glanced up at her amused smile. "I feel that you might be missing the point…But why exactly did you call me out?"

"For this," she replied tersely, reaching into her bag.

You furrowed your brow at the fancy, golden script on the card handed to you.

"A masquerade…ball?"

Melody nodded. "Nostrade wants Kurapika to infiltrate the ball and extract some needed intel."

"But," you started, even as the hazy form of suspicion formed in your mind. "What does this have to do with me?"

Melody smiled knowingly. "Well, you see, the ball is restricted to couples only."

"And,…you want _me_ to accompany Kurapika?!"

"No, Kurapika wants you to accompany _him._ "

A pause. "But, _why_?!"

"Because, unlike the maids, you at least don't giggle. As much." A voice interrupted from behind you, causing you to turn to face the source. Kurapika raised an eyebrow, "Do you not want to come with me?"

"I-I never said that!" you retorted.

Well, see you Sunday evening then."

"You aren't joining us at the café today?"

He shook his head as he swiftly stalked out the manor. "There's too much to go over from the mission file. I apologize that cannot make it this evening." Turning and with a slight smile, he added, "Although I must confess, I have been looking forward to our little…sessions."

You couldn't help but feel a small bubble of happiness rose in your chest.

/\/\/\/\/\

Thank god for the mask. Having been living rather frugally for your life you felt out of place at such a grand, exorbitant occasion as this ball. So, although the little plastic piece was little covering, it nonetheless served as something to hide behind. You tugged at the fabric of your dress, a black, lacy full length gown you had borrowed from Melody. You saddened at the thought—the dress, although you felt extremely awkward dressed in something so lavish, was truly elegant. You could only imagine how Melody appeared during her flute concerts.

"[name]," Kurapika called from a little ahead of you, "Keep up or you will get lost in the crowd."

"Y-yes," you began to shovel your way throughout the crowd, striving to reach Kurapika, only to realize that the masses had filled in between you and your colleague. And no matter how much you shoved, the steel wall of people refused to budge, each seemingly physically much sturdier than they seemed.

What else to expect when the occasion was a social ball for the _mafia_?

Panic began to arise in your throat as you recalled Melody's warning:

" _[name], be careful! If any of the families run any sort of …'shady business,' I don't think they will be below kidnapping a young female or two. Make sure to stick close to Kurapika!"_

 _She winked._

You may have been confused by the wink, but definitely not by the warning. With desperation, you began to shove through the masses, digging your way to where you had seen your colleague last, scanning your eyes across the crowds frantically."

"Kura-Mmhth!"

A hand cupped itself over your mouth.

"[name], don't scream my name; it will endanger us both."

You blinked and bobbed your head up and down.

Kurapika straightened up with a sigh and reached out his hand, which you stared at in puzzlement.

And gave a high five.

"[name]," Kurapika groaned with face palm. "This is not the time for jokes."

Stretching out, he grabbed your hand and tugged you gently forwards.

Thank god for the mask.

/

Having lead you into the main hall, Kurapika left you by the refreshments table, giving you strict instructions to not budge from the spot and to not engage in conversation with anyone as he hurried off to search for the records Nostrade requested.

So thus, you stood there, cup of grape juice in hand (alcohol consumption did not seem the smartest decision), scanning the masked figures of the ball out of boredom.

 _That lady over there really shouldn't have worn that dress…_

You commented wryly as you watched her stagger towards pole and drape a meaty leg around it. And then….

You averted your eyes quickly in internal agony just in time as you heard a thump and little shriek behind you, triggering a flinch. How quickly entertainment became horror! And why in the world was a pole so readily available in the first place? However, such was forgotten as you turned your focus to another strange group which passed by.

 _And that woman over there…with pink hair._ You furrowed your brow. _Looks awfully like Machi?_

Chuckling weakly, you dismissed the thought and returned to your juice. What were the chances of such a meeting? And even then, why would they concern themselves with _you_ of all people? Especially as Chrollo has been prevented from communicating with them in any form or means, as was explained by your brother during an evening meeting.

But that man…. that height…. could that not be… Feitan?

You quickly focused on your juice, despite the cup being almost drained, as you tried to divert your thoughts from _those_. Anything but _them_. After all, you held no relation to _them_ , right? You ended it all by ending it with your brother, right? Lady luck couldn't possibly be so cruel to you, could she?

Somehow the semi-opaque purple depths were awfully interesting.

So much so that you didn't notice the shaking of your shoulder by your companion.

/\/\/\/\/\

You carried your shoes by your straps in your open hand, your other arm busy trying to keep the hem of Melody's gown from trailing on the concrete ground. Your mask hung loosely about your neck.

"[name]," your coworker started, "I do apologize for dragging you into this."

"Ahhh, no worries!" you waved the hand holding your shoes, trying to dismiss his concern with a smile.

"It must have been jarring, this type of environment," he continued.

"It wasn't all that bad…it was just the sheer number of people, you know?" you answered weakly. You sneaked a glance at your coworker's outfit, something you had no chance to do in the hectic ballroom. But now in the quiet of the night, the path before you illuminated with the streetlamps… Sure, it didn't seem much different than his usual suit, perhaps just a bit tighter, a bit sleeker…

With a sudden flourish, Kurapika stopped in front of you, hand stretched out, a grin on his face.

"Well, since we are all dressed up, why don't we have a bit of fun before we head back?"

"You want…" you tilted your head in confusion, "Another high five?"

Kurapika released a chuckle, "No, this."

Once again, he grabbed your hand, but this time wrapped the other one around your waist.

"W-wait! I don't know how!"

"It's fine, I'll lead."

"…and you know how to dance?"

"You caught me."

The stillness of the night once again enveloped you and your partner. To be honest, it could hardly be called a dance, the way the two of you swayed back and forth underneath the soft lighting. If any other pedestrian chanced upon this street, it would be quite an amusing spectacle to behold. But still, it felt so…right…

"I'm guessing your assignment went smoothly," you piqued.

"Why so?"

"You seem to be in a very good mood for some reason. Uncharacteristically good. It's almost kind of freaky," you teased.

"You could say that. Perhaps the vibe of the event simply affected me."

"The vibes of…a _mafia_ ball."

"Perhaps."

Suddenly leaning in close, he whispered in your ear, "By the way, you look lovely tonight."

You almost tripped as your heart glitched in your chest and the heat flooded into your cheeks.

 _Shit…I think_ _like him._


	10. Chapter 9

**Another chapter?! XD**

 **Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"Ooof," you mumbled as you nudged the door open with your foot and dropped your load of books.

"That's the last one, right?"

You nodded mutely, sliding into a chair and fanning yourself.

Kurapika looked around the room with his hand on his hips. "I'm amazed that we were able to carry them all."

"I really need to thank that old couple sometime."

"Maybe bake them something?"

"HAAAAH?!" you screeched, shooting upright in the chair. "Kurapika. You _know_ I can't cook. You've seen my toast." A pause. "You said that on purpose. You definitely said that on purpose."

Kurapika shrugged and grinned cheekily, refusing to answer, instead turning to the piles of books that had been relocated into his apartment. "We're going to need bookshelves."

"It's fine I don't mi—"

"Perhaps I want places to sit, unlike you."

You turned away with a pout and began ruffling absentmindedly through a pile of the texts. A few had collected dust from being stacked, untouched, in your apartment for too long. However, a hoarder at heart, you kept as many of the volumes as you could.

 _Tales from Earthsea…_

 _The Iliad…_

You read the titles in your mind one by one, recalling the strings of emotions that were weakly attached to each one.

 _And this….?_

Your breath hitched in your throat.

 _Crime and Punishment…?_

 _The dusky morning as you sneeze from the chilliness. The little package next to your pillow. You picking it up and unwrapping the awkwardly wrapped cloth. You grinning a little as you glimpse your brother sneaking a glance at you, and turning to hide his face in his book again when he caught you peeking. You chuckled lightly. Give it to your brother to somehow procure a tome this large._

Biting your lip, you shoved the volume with unusual indelicacy underneath the pile, hoping that your emotions could stay buried alongside them.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Are you not heading back?" you asked as you saw Kurapika fail to rise from his office seat.

Kurapika smiled tiredly, the bags under his eyes even more prominently obvious than they were before.

"No, not yet. I have a few more things I need to finish," he responded, barely glancing away from his monitor set up. With a sharp exhale, he ran his hands through his bangs, combing them back and allowing them to fall again, messily. Noticing your lack of movement, he smiled faintly.

"It's fine, [name], you can head back first."

"Oh, alright then, see you…" you paused a little. "Later?"

He nodded and turned back to his work.

Bag in hand, you slinked out of the shared office space while putting in considerable effort to close the door silently. You turned to find Melody's beaming face greeting you, her hands clasped in excitement.

"I'm really happy for you, [name], really!"

"And I'm not really sure it's like that…."

She shook her head vigorously.

"Of course, it's not like _that._ Kurapika's never the best at expressing his emotions. But, I would say that he more or less is willing to pursue further interactions with you. That is quite a feat, no?"

Scraping at the thick carpet slightly with your shoe, you averted your gaze towards your feet.

"I guess. But the more I get to know him, the more I think I shouldn't be thinking about such possibilities. He's…" you pause a little to find the right words. "Stretched rather thin right now, I think."

"That definitely seems likely," Melody mused as she began to head towards the front exit. "But, there's no rush, right?"

You nodded and followed. "None at all."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Waving goodbye to Melody at the crossroads, you continued onto your apartment, only to come to a sudden realization. You stopped in your tracks.

 _My…apartment? That's not…right? When had Kurapika's apartment become mine?_ _I mean, I'm still trying to find out how to restore my apartment…and I'm only staying temporarily out of Kurapika's courtesy. On the couch._

But for some reason, you felt that your shared space had become rather homely over the past few weeks. Was it the books?

Satisfied, you continued with your commute only to be interrupted by a finger tapping your shoulder. You looked up from the hand to face its owner.

"Um, excuse me, could I ask for some directions?" You were met with wide purple eyes and an airy voice. The young girl blinked, her hands fiddling with the gold chains on her wrists. With a small motion, she pushed her large glasses up her nose.

"Uh, sure," you replied, giving a quick nod. "Where are you headed?"

"Shizuku, don't ask. We don't have time. We can just find it on our own," another feminine voice called from behind her. From your peripheral, you spotted a flash of pink.

 _So that night at the ball…_

"I-if its ok, then I should really get going," you muttered as you turned to hurry down the road, keeping your gaze averted from the additional figures that had caught up with the spectacled individual.

"Wait," a voice barked, freezing you in your steps. "You know who we are, right?"

You shook your head hurriedly. "O-of course not! My apologies if I…"

"[name], that's you, isn't it?" the thickly accented voice demanded. You recognized it, slightly muffled by the attire that the individual was undoubtedly wearing.

You darted your eyes about wildly, desperately trying to find some way to escape the present situation,

"I-I'm not sure what you are talking about. I think you've gotten the wrong person…"

"I don't think so, [name]," the short, black-clad figure huffed.

Stumbling, you stepped to run.

 _I must get out of here…I don't—_

A sharp jolt of pain behind your head and your vision faded to black.

 _How…ironic._

/\/\/\/\/\

"—id you do that?!" a bold voice demanded. A woman?

"She knew who we were, right? And you guys obviously knew who she was as well," a huskier, deeper voice answered.

A small groan slipped from your lips.

 _How long…where?_

You cracked your eyes open a sliver as you attempted to stay still, observing a familiar woman with a mop of pink hair confronting some taller man dressed in some strange foreign garb.

 _Egyptian, maybe?_

An attempt to shift some weight off your shoulder made you realize your hands were bound behind you, tied firmly but not painfully.

"I wasn't going to let some weak girl compromise our mission, the man rumbled.

"I think she's awake." The sound of earrings jangled behind you as a large hand patted you on the back, urging you to sit up. With no point in acting any longer, you shoved yourself to a seated position with your elbows, blinking forcefully several times to clear them of grime.

"Good morning, [name]," Feitan hissed.

"Long time no see…Feitan," you mumbled.

He clicked his tongue with his usual annoyance. "Glad to see that the little princess has still retained some manners." You bit your lip in irritation at the label.

"Come on now, Feitan, no need to be so nasty so soon," a familiar figure piped up, hand reaching into their loosely tied robe to scratch at their chest. "Why don't we let her talk first, eh?"

Taking the chance, you scanned your eyes about the room.

 _The cathedral?_

"I think before then, you should tell us who she is anyways," a young male voice rang throughout the dingy space. You looked up to spot the speaker: a cheerful looking individual whose round face and mischievous expression contrasted with his muscular physique. He placed a hand on his hips.

Four figures you recognized: Machi standing, her back to the wall, arms crossed, eyes closed, Nobunaga sitting crossed legged, casually holding his prized sword, Franklin seated calmly, and Feitan standing before you, foot tapping with impatience.

But the other six, observing you with various degrees of wariness, you did not know at all.*

 _How much…have they changed?_

"She's the younger sister of the boss," Franklin answered smoothly.

Rustles of confusion sounded around the room.

"You're saying. The boss. Has. A sister." The robed man, whom you have now observed to have no eyebrows, repeated incredulously.

"She's the reason we got together in the first place, Phinx," Machi continued, motionless in her corner.

"This is that 'princess' that I heard you guys talking about when I first joined?" The bespectacled girl you recognized from earlier—Shizuku, if you recalled correctly- blinked again, owlish eyes peering at you curiously.

"Don't call me a princess!" you snapped in response, clenching your teeth in frustration.

 _That one word, had been used so often in the past, in so many ways._

"Ooh, she's got a temper," The babyfaced male cooed, tossing his phone up and down with one hand. "Feitan, what do you say we do with her?"

"We kill her, Shalnark" came his instant, simple reply.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up. Kid _still_ hasn't gotten a chance to speak for herself yet." Nobunaga sat up slightly from his slouched position. "Shouldn't be so keen on killing the boss's younger sis yet, dontcha think?"

Feitan's eyes narrowed, his lips most likely curled up in a snarl. "She's a nuisance."

"Give her a chance, common!"

An expectant silence settled over the large architecture.

"Well? Are you going to speak?" Feitan spat.

"It's nice to see you all again?" you responded meekly.

"Why do you interact with the chain bastard?"

"He's my cowork-"

"Why were you together at that masquerade?"

"It was an assignment-"

"Why are you two living together?"

You stuttered. "I-he-…"

"Kill her."

"Wait, Feitan," Shalnark piped. "She has connections with the Chain User right? Why don't we use her to lure him out?"

"We can figure out what to do with her later then," Nobunaga added, visibly relieved at the possibility of an alternative.

"I disagree," Feitan opposed. "I don't like her. I never did." He tugged at the end of his umbrella. The blade hidden beneath the plain-looking wooden handle glinted.

"Feitan, when the troupe fights," Machi prompted.

"…We settle it by flipping a coin," he finished, irritated as he reached into his pocket. "Fine. I take heads."

Tossing the small trinket into the air, he caught it and slapped it onto the back of his hand.

"Tails. She lives." The disappointment was obvious in his voice.


	11. Chapter 10

**We're nearing the end...**

 **Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"Nobu?" you piped, breaking the heavy silence.

"Yah squirt?" he answered, casually inspecting his fingernails instead of turning to face you.

"Thanks for speaking for me back there. I—"

"Don't thank me yet. They only decided to not kill you for now," he cut you off swiftly, continuing to stare into the dark distance. Your surroundings were only lit by a single candle.

The silence settled again around the two of you.

"You know the Chain Bastard killed Uvo," he started, voice steelier than before.

You hesitated, then gave in. "Yes, I did."

"And Paku."

You gave a mutter of affirmation.

"You do know that I've sworn to kill him, right?"

You jerked your head up at the declaration. But truly, what else did you expect?

"I've sworn to kill him, no matter how many others I need to kill to get to him." Nobunaga continued.

"…even me?" you finished for him.

He turned to you amused. "Still as sharp as ever, eh? Guess all that reading did you some good after all." His smile crumbling, he sighed. "That's what I'd like to say. After all, I'm a man of my words."

You bit your lip.

"But somehow, I can't really say I'd be able to if it actually came down to it."

You looked up in surprise.

"Ya know how you chose the spider as our symbol? Chrollo later expanded the number of members in the troupe to 13, with 12 being the 'legs' and him as the head. But you,"

He pointed a finger.

"For him, were always the heart. Not visible perhaps, but the beating reason for the spider to exist."

He dropped his hand.

"So, killing you would tear us apart."

Chuckling, he shrugged.

"Who knew a fellow like me could get so sentimental."

 _Because of me…_ you repeated in your head. _Wait…_

As you prepared yourself for your next words, the approaching footsteps stopped you halfway.

"Well, how's the princess?" Shalnark sang as he entered, hands held behind his head. Several other members of the troupe entered behind him.

You refused to acknowledge his greeting, instead jerking your head away.

"Thanks for being such a big help you know? We were able to leave a little gift for that chain-guy."

"He won't come for me," you shot back, cursing the uncertain quiver in your voice.

Shalnark grinned and looked around the room at the other members.

"She really _is_ the boss's sister! But," He bended down, leaning in towards your face. He shrunk back. "I think past data would say otherwise."

 _Don't come, Kurapika..I'll…I can….get out of this myself—_

"He's here," Feitan turned to the entrance of cathedral, his sharp comment breaking your internal plea.

 _And here I thought you were smart._

You squinted at the light which flooded in from the entrance of the building as the door slammed open.

"Well well well, look who's here. Rather on time too." Shalnark laughed. "Long time no see."

"Scum like you should shut your mouth."

"Hey now, isn't that a bit rude? But never mind that. You're here for your princess, aren't you?"

A clench of his fists. "I shall never forgive any of you!"

"I don't think you answered my question. Are you trying to protect her?"

An odd flinch, a twitch of his eye.

"Bingo~" Shalnark sang, throwing his head back in laughter, hands on hips. "How adorable! Too bad, we know much too well that you two have been around together for quite a while now. No use in trying to pretend that you don't know her."

"No more talking," Feitan hissed from behind Shalnark, his sword long-drawn. "This is ridiculous. He is right there." With his terse conclusion, Feitan dashed towards Kurapika.

 _Shit…my voice won't reach him with the all the noise!_

Whipping out his hand, Kurapika released his chain, the end smashing into the nearby pew and sending a cloud of debris into the space.

A quick side step and Feitan launched himself into the air, landing a safe distance away. His eyes glinted.

 _Gyo._

"We know your tricks," he sneered. "If I can see them, I can avoid them."

Not responding, Kurapika simply jerked his hand, hurling the string of metal towards the darting figure, only to twist, dodging as Feitan advanced to slice the air close to his cheek.

Shalnark stood behind and continued his provocations.

"You seem pretty shaken up, don't you? I mean, it _is_ most optimal for you to fight us one-on-one, even better if you lured one of us into some sort of isolation, like you did with Uvo. For you to actually come to us by yourself, even though you know that we're all here—"

"FEITAN!" Nobunaga suddenly hollered, his abrupt action causing you to jolt. His voice echoed through the cathedral. At the outburst, Feitan jerked back, jumping out of range of Kurapika's assault. Immediately, you took advantage of the momentary interruption to yell out to Kurapika. straining against your restraints.

"KURAPIKA, STOP! I can-" He blinked at your sudden outburst, tearing his eyes away from his opponents to you as you desperately tried to find the words to explain the situation. "They won't—I don't think—"

"What now?" Feitan demanded of Nobunaga, irritated and suspicious.

"We need to go. Now."

"Whaaat?" Shalnark whined. "But it was just getting good!"

"Why the sudden urgency?" Shizuku piped.

"We leave," Nobunaga commanded, standing up. "The boss." You whipped your head to face him. _The boss…Chrollo?_

As he turned, he patted you gently on the shoulder. For some reason, the gesture felt like a goodbye.

"What?" The disbelief was evident in his Phinx's voice. "Why? I mean won't he—" Machi cut him off with a yank on his ear, dragging him along as she slipped out of the hall and exited behind the altar.

Wordlessly, the other members of the Phantom Troupe faded into the shadows as well. Leaving the room empty—and ridiculously awkward—with only you, bound, and Kurapika, posture still rigid and betraying his skepticism.

"Umm…" you began, fidgeting from your seated position. Your attempt at communication disturbed with the sudden developments. "What I mean is—" your words were again disrupted, this time as a figure ambled into the hall from behind Kurapika, his footsteps calm and steady on the tiled floor.

 _I guess I really can't even finish a single sentence today…_

"You…" Kurapika, with recognition, whirled around and spat, facing the newcomer.

"Hello. It's been a while, Chain User."

Chrollo then lifted his gaze from Kurapika to face you. Your blood ran frigid as your eyes widened in realization.

 _If Brother…Chrollo... mentions the fact that we've met…then Kurapika…_

"I see that we have another guest as well." His eyes gave away no hint of recognition.

 _Huh?_

"She's an outsider, leave her out of this!" Kurapika snapped tersely.

 _HUH?_

"I have no intention of involving her in our confrontation."

"Why have you come here?" Kurapika demanded. "Even though you knew the consequences, even though you knew that the Troupe was here?"

Chrollo shrugged. "Perhaps just sightseeing?" Unhurriedly, he took in the grand architecture of the construction. "Rather beautiful, wouldn't you say? The Romanesque designs mixes well with the later neoteric gothic flavor of the 12th century."

"Cut the bullshit," Kurapika snarled.

 _I know this is wildly unseemly, but I feel oddly ignored in this exchange._

"Then how about you?" Chrollo retorted. "You hardly seem the type to come this far for some simple coworker."

 _Wait…_

"That is irrelevant."

 _It can't be that…Are they…_

"I find it strange. Why don't you come after me right now? I can't use Nen after all." Kurapika stiffened at the taunt, eyes flashing a hint of crimson.

"Chrollo, Kurapika, stop this." Clumsily you jostled your way to your feet, your voice cracking. "It's fine, there's no need for you both to try to pretend."

You smiled wistfully. "After all, we all know that the one at fault is me."


	12. Chapter 11

**We're at the end! Thank you somehow bearing with this reader insert (?!)! And thank you for reading!**

* * *

"After all, the one at fault is me."

 _Trying to stand with my hands bound is harder than it looks…_ you mused as you stumbled a little after standing.

"I was too greedy," you continued, "It was wrong of me to –"

"Because unlike _you_ I have better control of myself."

"I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a better retort than that."

 _Wait. What?!_

"I—" you began again, a little louder.

"If you are going to be a smart ass," Kurapika spat back, "first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ass."

 _Is this an—_

"Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology," Chrollo countered cooly.

 _An_ _ **insult**_ _war?!_

"GODDAMM THE TWO OF YOU. DON'T IGNORE ME WHEN I'M TALKING!" you snapped, causing both figures to freeze.

You gestured a little with your hands.

"Kurapika, help me out here."

Mutely, Kurapika walked up the stairs of the alter, and silently undid the ropes, deliberately not making eye contact with you at all. You winced a little at the friction as the knot was undone.

"Thanks," you murmured, rubbing the abrasions. Wordlessly, Kurapika turned to face your brother again, preparing to head down the steps to continue the confrontation.

You were sick of this. Sick of being ignored. Sick of being protected. Sick of trying to outrun your past. Sick of your frustration. Sick of guilt. You were sick of yourself. Sick of your weakness.

It was nauseating, how little control you felt you've had over your life.

Every decision you made, none were definitive.

Even after running away and trying to gain independence, haven't you still treated the Troupe as a crutch? You were so sure moments before that the Troupe would definitely, absolutely, no matter what, spare you. That you were in no danger.

You recalled the glint in Feitan's eyes, the empty stares of the members whose faces you did not recognize.

You were in actual danger back there. Goosebumps raised at the thought. How naïve you were, thinking you were safe. Counting on that protection. Thinking that you had any sway.

What a hypocrite you were.

It was disgusting. You were disgusted at yourself.

If you were to somehow throw off these shackles for good…

Subconsciously, you knew what you had to do—you had just been avoiding it.

You had to make a decision. And this time, you had to stand by it.

With a desperation you never knew you possessed, you strained forward. You had this one chance.

 _Before he's out of reach…_

Frantically, you grasped Kurapika's hand with your right before he brushed past. Tightly, you held on, even as he turned towards you, eyes widened in shock.

He jerked his hand, urgently trying to free himself. Clenching your teeth and shutting your eyes, your left joined your right. You cupped his hand with both of yours, clasped together, as if in prayer.

How fitting, a prayer, as you stood upon the alter of the cathedral.

Kurapika tugged again, this time more gently, more uncertain. Until, with a certain resign, he laced his fingers with yours, melting your palms together.

You turned to face Chrollo, lips pressed tightly.

A dark gloom seemed to have settled over his brow.

"I see, [name]. So, is this your answer?"

You bit your lip and nodded.

"Brother doesn't approve," Chrollo countered sharply.

An awkward silence as you gawked at the sudden comment.

"That was supposed to be a joke," he continued, softer in tone this time.

He chuckled dryly.

"I guess this was only to be expected. After all, a lot of what we've, I've, done is rather inexcusable." Chrollo waved his hand casually. "We'll just ignore the actions of the chain user over there for now."

Kurapika stiffened beside you.

"But it's understandable. After all, the two of us are probably more similar than either of us is willing to ever admit. It's understandable that you would choose him of all people."

Chrollo tucked his hands into his jacket pockets.

"If it wasn't for my actions, perhaps…"

He hesitated and his voice trailed off, as he glanced down at the floor with an uncharacteristic air of regret.

Looking up again with a heavy breath, he latched his gaze directly to yours and continued in a much steelier tone.

"So, we can both agree that this is the end?"

The memories of Meteor City and of your past innocence flashed through your mind. Being rescued by Machi, forming the Phantom Troupe with the original six, suggesting a spider as the emblem, witnessing that bloody scene and how your screams ripped your throat and as the floor was drenched in crimson. Madness flashed in your brother's eyes. You running away. And running away. And running away.

You muttered with forced calmness, "Yes." You were only able to stand despite the trembling of your legs because of a squeeze from Kurapika's hand.

"If so, then from this moment on, as soon as we both leave these premises, all relationship between us is severed. No more are we brother and sister but rather strangers and enemies." His dark eyes glinted sharply. "I won't hesitate to kill you."

"I know."

A silent stillness descended between you, a shroud weaved of tension and hints of sadness.

"[name]…" he whispered, barely audible from where you stood. His eyes softened and he began to walk towards you.

You flinched, but remained firm in your position.

His arms enveloped your slender form, just as Kurapika released his hold and respectfully backed away. You were petite in contrast to his muscular figure, a figure so much more mature than the leanness of 5 years ago. Pulling back with a faint smile, he kissed your forehead, just as he did whenever he tucked you in at night—so many years ago back in Meteor City.

"Good-bye," he whispered, his arms unwinding as he turned away. Frozen, you could only hear his muffled footsteps retreat and vanish all together as he walked past you and out of the doorway.

You don't remember how long you stayed paralyzed, or when it was that Kurapika had wrapped his arm tenderly around your waist and began to lead you out from the cathedral. Your senses were muffled and your limbs heavy. Mechanically you stepped forward, one foot in front at a time, slowly, Kurapika supporting and guiding you the whole way.

One thing you knew: Chrollo's promises were absolute. And therefore, your choice was final. You have picked Kurapika over Chrollo. There was no going back—never again will he shower you with the brotherly care and affection of your childhood. Your previous determination seemingly dissolved into mist as your heart plummeted into an abyss, bringing bile to your throat, a crippling fear. His dedication to you had been unshakable. But could you say the same about Kurapika? If Kurapika ever decided to abandon you, you were going to be alone…even more so than when you had run away.

The feeling of being left alone was worse than death.

With these thoughts, your feet morphed into blocks of lead and dragged you to a halt. Worriedly, Kurapika paused as you peered at him mutely. His eyes were even more tired than usual, almost sunken, but unusually full of worry. His face sweaty and smeared with dirt, coated with a film of filth. His hair was a tangle, lengths uneven, thanks to Feitan's sword.

And how long would he be around? How much could you trust him?

Heaves rising in your chest, your corked up emotions burst out as the tears welled up in your eyes frame trembling. You croaked out a sob.

Immediately, eyes widening in panic, he grabbed and embraced you, as you, letting go of all constraint and grabbing onto the back of his shirt, simply allowed the convolution of emotion to flood out.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in your ear, his voice lined with guilt.

Gingerly, he tightened his hold.

"But," he continued, "Thank you." You, puzzled, broke away and looked up at him, his elegant features graced with a wistful smile. "In all these years, as I searched for my brethen's eyes, I had felt that I had lost something—something important that I couldn't name. But ever since you waltzed into my life, I think I was able to find it again."

He pulled you to his chest. "I won't leave you, I promise."

You nodded weakly as you breathed in his scent, mixed with sweat and dust. And somehow, you could tell that everything was going to be alright.

The evening settled silently around you, shrouding you and the Kurta with a hazy dusk.


	13. Epilogue

**A little something extra? :3 Thanks for reading!**

* * *

It has been a while since then. You've had officially moved out of your apartment and into Kurapika's, somehow having avoided all contact with your previous landlord. Other than that, however, not much had seemed to change.

You hummed to yourself as you strolled down the street. It was a good day, specifically since it was your birthday.

You smiled wryly as you recalled your past excitement over a bundle of bacon. How different your life was now, as you can fry up bacon, or sausages, depending on what was left in the fridge, nearly every morning for breakfast. How easily things are taken for granted.

But it was your birthday, and you felt, this day out of all others, you should be allowed to indulge yourself a little. Especially considering what had happened at work today. You cringed at the thought to returning tomorrow. Fractions. You never liked them but trying to explain them to Neon….

" _But, if I add 1 and 1/2, don't I get 1/2?"_

" _No, Neon, you have one full pie and half a pie. How much is that?"_

" _A pie and a half."_

" _Then, the answer is,"_

" _Half a pie!"_

 _You stifled a shriek._

Kurapika was working late again, as he often did. You wondered whether he actually received any overtime pay for his extra hours. Probably not, unfortunately, you concluded, pouting a little. Nostrade was rather stingy at times, these days even more so considering how unstable his business (could you call it that?) has been.

However, that meant you had free reign for dinner. Perhaps you can order in rather than cooking? Lamb chops were sounding rather tempting…

"Um, ma'am, are you by any chance [name]?"

You looked up from fiddling with the lock of the door.

"Uh, yes. May I help you?"

The young man tipped his hat.

 _A delivery?_

"This was ordered for you from the local café."

You blinked as you accepted the plastic bag the man held out to you.

"Someone ordered a tall toffee nut latte and a chocolate tart for you from the café down the street."

"Oh, I see, thank you."

That café was your favorite, and the order, your usual.

"They also included this." The deliveryman handed you a white envelope before tipping his hat again and jogging down the stairs of the apartment complex.

"I guess anything can be ordered via internet these days," you mumbled as you opened the envelope. You chuckled at the contents.

"A blank happy birthday card, huh? Well, writing cheesy messages was never Kurapika's style."

With a nudge you opened the door and proceeded to enter.

"Um, ma'am?"

You turned around to again see the same deliveryman, this time looking exceedingly awkward and holding multiple bulging plastic bags. You feared the worst.

"Uh, yes?"

"Someone just ordered for another delivery for you."

"Uhh…"

"It's the same order as before…just….12 of them."

Your eyes widened a little before a resigned grin crept up your face.

"I see, thank you." You held the door open. "Would you mind if you helped me carry them inside?"

"Not at all ma'am! Glad to help!"

As the deliveryman left, you turned to the pile of pastries and collection of lattes that were stacked on the dining table.

"12 orders huh?" you mused. "Just like the 12 legs of a certain spider. Seems like someone is being petty..."

You were much too lucky

…emphasis on the too.

"I'm going to have to finish at least 12 of these before Kurapika gets home tonight won't I…"


End file.
